hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
