I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
