We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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