Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
