after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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