four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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