i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
