He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
