Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
bring money and cleavage
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
