yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
