It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
