I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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