you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
