What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
