I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
