i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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