Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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