this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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