I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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