The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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