i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
