Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
