Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
