When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
