Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
