how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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