You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
