sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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