And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
