she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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