Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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