while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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