you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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