Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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