I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
