I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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