what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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