Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
