I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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