Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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