Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
