so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
