you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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