I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
