Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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