Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
