But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
