After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Randomize
