She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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