Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
