Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
