I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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