No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
