people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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