ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
