also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
