I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
