I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
