I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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