Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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