What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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