my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
