morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
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Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
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How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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