clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
