She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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