all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
