omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
