thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
