She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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